50 Shades of Metal
by BambiBlack
Summary: A series of 50 One-Shots based on Fullmetal Alchemist. Most are set in present day. They are all just random ideas from my head. Not in any specific order. Only rated M just in case I decide to put some coarse things in one or two one-shots. Keep in mind I may not be able to update often. Hope y'all like them.
1. Chapter 1

_**Surprise Drinks**_

**I have no idea if the drinks would really be the way they are with what ingredients they're made out of, but use your imaginations, 'kay?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist**

Ed and Winry walked up to the bar, their hands intertwined, and sat down on the two barstools closest to the bartender. The man behind the counter looked Winry up and down; from her black flip flops, to her short light purple shorts, and finally to rest on the black tank top.

"What'll it be?" he asked, winking at Winry.

"The usual," she replied, feeling Ed's eyes on her.

"I didn't know you come here," he said, glancing around. The bar was almost empty, except for a few suited men and cocktailed women.

_I feel like such a hick,_ Ed thought to himself as he studied his clothing choices for the evening; black biker books over black jeans, and a fitted black muscle shirt under a red sweatshirt. Coming to the conclusion that nothing could change his appearance, he slipped his sweatshirt off and put it over Winry's shoulders.

"I don't," she replied, adjusting the sweatshirt so that it was comfortable. "Hawkeye took me here, claiming that "the usual" was what this bar is famous for. I figured I could show it to you firsthand, rather than explaining. Besides, when don't you like a good drink?"

Just then the bartender came back with two tall glasses filled with a thick-looking, blood red liquid. He placed them in front of the couple, muttered a quick, "Enjoy," and set off to talk to a group of men at the other end of the bar.

Winry picked up her drink, winked at Ed, said, "Bottoms Up," and downed the liquid.

Her boyfriend soon followed suit, swallowing the funny drink that went down like fire, and tasted funny yet good at the same time.

"You like?" Winry asked, smiling mischievously. Ed nodded, feeling the effects of the alcohol almost immediately. "'Nother round!" he shouted at the bartender, waving his glass in the air.

After the sixth round and a lot of drunken slurring and kissing, the couple called Roy, their designated driver, asking if he could take them home so that they could, as Ed put it, "Exercise this shit off, if you know what I mean."

Loud music sounded from the other end as Roy yelled drunkenly, "No can do, bitches! I'm out with Hawkeye, and damn, is she fun once she gets drinking!"

"I know. Ask her to show you the video of last time we were out," Winry said seductively as she hung up.

"Al might still be awake," Ed said as he dialed his brother's number.

A laugh resounded in his ear as Al picked up. "Either you two are drunk or Winry's pregnant," he said. Ed looked over at his girlfriend for confirmation that the latter wasn't true.

Winry made a fast and shook her blonde head.

"No, idiot," Ed replied, his mouth too close to the speaker, which made Al cringe on the other end.

"Then you're both drunk. I'll pick you up. Where exactly are you?" Al answered, humor lacing his tone.

Ed gave the necessary information and hung up.

A half hour later found Winry asleep on the couple's bed and Ed getting undressed by Al; he was too drunk to do it himself.

"Good God, man. What the hell did you get into?" Al asked as his brother made out with a picture of Winry's grandmother.

Ed shrugged. "Place Win took me to. Had a special drink."

Al burst out laughing; a laugh so hard and long that he had to clutch his sides from splitting open.

"What?" demanded Ed, his face confused and angry.

Al continued guffawing; slapping his knees, and didn't stop until he managed to get out the words, "Ask Winry in the morning." He left shortly after that, still chuckling and shaking his head.

The next morning Ed awoke refreshed, without any sign of a hangover. He got up, stretched, and decided that he felt better than he had in a long time.

"Winry! Winry!" he shouted, shaking his girlfriend until she awoke.

"Go 'way!" she mumbled. Shrugging, he left the bedroom and padded to the kitchen, mostly because of the protests of his hungry stomach.

Opening the fridge door, he surveyed the selection, or lack thereof, of food. Standing as sentry in the middle of the fridge was a lone carton of milk. Horror gripped Ed's heart; he forgot to go grocery shopping, which he was supposed to do the day before, but went out with Winry instead.

_Dammit,_ he thought as he slammed the fridge door shut. Moving onto the cupboards, Ed fond a Pop-Tart and stuck it into the toaster.

Just as the foot popped up, Winry walked in and breathed, "Good morning." Ed jumped, having been doubly surprised, but soon got over it as he looked at his girlfriend.

Winry had changed into one of Ed's button-down Oxford's, the buttons only buttoned slightly above her chest, the right shoulder slouching loosely on her shoulder. Her feet were bare, as were her legs, the bottom of the Oxford reaching halfway down her thighs.

He smiled at Winry, loving the way her hair was in a tangled mess, and offered her one of the Pop-Tarts while returning her greeting.

Winry gratefully shoved the food into her mouth as she walked over to the fridge and removed the milk.

Ed made a face as Winry poured a glass of the evil liquid. She smiled at Ed as she took a big gulp, the drink invigorating her.

"So," Ed started as he came toward Winry.

"So," she replied, boosting herself onto the counter and sitting up so that she and Ed were eyelevel.

"So, what the hell was in that drink last night?" he asked. "I feel so great this morning, without a hangover, and feel as if I could run a marathon!"

Winry laughed and chucked Ed's chin.

"I'll never tell," Winry seductively whispered.

Ed pouted at her, but still she refused.

A mischievous smile spread across Ed's face, an evil thought entering his mind.

"I'll buy you any tool you want, he said smoothly into her ear, nipping it after he finished his offer.

Winry squirmed in his grasp, a giggle bubbling out of her. She contemplated whether or not her info was worth more than getting a new set of sockets.

"Fine," she said with a heavy sigh. Ed smiled triumphantly, smugness in his eyes.

"You sure you want to know?" Winry asked, skepticism, laughter, and her own smugness mixing together in her tone. Ed nodded eagerly.

"If I find out what that stuff is, I can make it every day and feel this awesome all the time!" he answered, excitement lighting his big blue eyes.

A laugh escaped Winry before she could contain it.

"Okay. So the drinks had some sort of _really_ strong alcohol in it, red food coloring, and…" she said, her voice trailing off at the end.

"And?" Ed asked, poking her sides, forcing Winry to squeal and slap his hands away.

"Milk!" she breathed, in between her squeals.

Ed's face became a mask of horror. "You didn't!" he exclaimed.

"I did," she said. "At least I got you to drink your milk! You gonna make your miracle drink now?"

Glaring at his girlfriend, Ed started walking to the bathroom.

"And where are you going?" Winry asked, hopping off the counter and following her boyfriend.

"To get this nasty-ass bacterium out of my system," he grumbled.

Winry caught Ed in a backwards bear hug. He turned around to face her, all grumpiness evaporating as he saw her pouting face.

"You aren't fair, ya know!" he said, laughter in his eyes.

"I know something else I can be," Winry replied in a sultry voice. A secretive, sexy grin spread across Ed's face as he picked her up bridal style.

She looked deep into his eyes and kissed him.

They pulled away, and both said, with fairly repulsed face, "Ew. Milk."

Laughter resounded through the apartment as Ed kicked the bedroom door open and three words were exchanged between the lovers. "I love you."


	2. Hate 101

"Welcome to Sex Ed," Mr. Mustang announced to his group of teenage students. Giggles were heard, pokes felt, and glances exchanged as he spoke.

"Sex isn't just what you all see it as," Mustang continued, "it is the making of children, exchange of love and intimacy, but finally, pleasure." A grin spread across the pervy teacher's face, making the kids groan.

Winry Rockbell looked over at her arch nemesis, Edward Elric, who was, of course, like all d-bag teenage football players, dicking around. _Just get me out of here,_ she thought, searching the room for any friendly faces. She found two of them, and right as she did, the intercom crackled on, announcing in a tired and wheezy voice the names of her friends and half of the rest of the class.

Once the students' names were read, they solemnly got up, waved good-bye to any friends they were leaving, and walked out the door.

All who were left were the preppy, rich girls, Winry, her arch nemesis, and some other popular, slick looking guys, who Winry also didn't like.

_There goes my fun semester,_ Winry thought sadly.

"Okay," stated Mustang, slicking back his black hair. "Now that most of my students have been moved to Gym, I can get to know each of you even more…intimately."

The preppy girls squeaked in excitement.

"Pair up with someone who will be your partner for all of this semester, and get to know them. Find 5 facts about them, which you will present to the class, and be civil, please."

Winry looked around the room, fearing the worst. The preps had already paired up, and the same went for the other guys, so all that was left was Edward. He seemed to realize this at the same time she did and shot Winry an evil smirk.

"Hey there Monkeywench," he said, smiling once again. Considering the fact that Winry was the first and only girl to enroll in Auto Shop classes, she had been given this nickname. And by whom? Edward Elric, of course.

Winry's answer was less than polite. "Shove off, dick." Edward put his hands up in defense.

"Mustang said we need to be civil, and I am, but you aren't. So, other than you being in Shop, what else can I find out about you?" he said, leaning closer to Winry with every word he spoke. She glared daggers at him, crossed her arms over her chest, and refused to speak.

"Time's up. Now, who'll go first…you," Mustang said, looking and pointing at Winry and Edward.

They both stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. Winry started.

"This is Edward Elric, Captain of the football team, hockey team, and soccer team. He will probably be Homecoming King and go to college and party his ass off. That good enough?" Mustang nodded in response and gestured to Edward to take his turn.

He cleared his throat and began. "This is Monkeywench, I mean, Winry Rockbell, who is enrolled in Auto Shop, has a dog with an amputated leg, of which she reconstructed with metal. Also, she lives with her grandmother, her parents passed away years ago, and she is a lesbian."

"What?!" Winry shrieked, whirling on Edward, shock written across her face.

"Aren't you?" he asked. _He seriously thought I liked chicks?!_ She thought.

"No, you dick!" she shouted. The class was completely quiet, and entertained, as they watched the scene unfold in front of them.

"But…you are in Shop and dress like one," he stated, gesturing to her clothes. She wore grease-stained, ripped jeans and a cut off that showed most of her stomach.

"I wear this because I have no money, asshole!" she shrieked. _If he knew all that other stuff about me, which he _shouldn't _know, why didn't he know the last part?!_ She mentally yelled.

A smile lit up Edward's face. "Good. I was right then," he said, all the while inching closer to Winry. "I've waited so long for this moment."

"What the hell are you…?" Winry started, but was stopped when Edward cupped her face and brought his lips to hers.

All the hate she thought she had felt for years melted away into what she had _really_ been feeling; passion, love, and longing.

When her heart had felt like it was on fire, it wasn't out of hate, but jealousy. Her head hurt not because he frustrated her, but because she felt dizzy and different around him.

She dissolved into the kiss, enveloping herself in his embrace, and sweet scent.

Mustang cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me, Miss Ho. Please stop selling your wares where no one wants them."

Winry was surprised when Edward broke the kiss off and glared at their teacher.

"Shut. The Hell. Up," he growled. Edward screwed his arm back and punched Mustang, sending him sprawling to the ground.

"Don't talk bad 'bout my girlfriend," he said fiercely as he grabbed Winry's hand and dragged her out of the room, closing the door behind them on a bewildered Mustang and cheering class.

Edward turned Winry around to face him and smiled.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"I go wherever you do," she replied as she went on tiptoes to kiss her used-to-be arch nemesis.

"So now you don't hate me?" he asked, breaking away for confirmation.

Winry smiled at him, all of her new-found love in her eyes, and said simply, "I never could have."


	3. Labor Pains

_**Labor Pains**_

**Okay. I'm not even going to make excuses. I'm just going to say that life sucks when it gets in the way of writing FanFiction. And, as per usual, I'm not sure if this is medically correct (at all) nor possible (you'll know what I mean when you get there), but I wrote it for a good story anyways. So, ONTO THE CHAPTER!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.**

"When are you going to stop free loading off of your brother's hard-earned money?" a very pregnant Winry asked a very lazy Al, who, at the time, was lounging on Win and Ed's couch.

"When I have initiative and money of my own," he answered as he smiled at Winry.

"Is this enough initiative for you?" Ed asked as he entered the room and tipped Al off the couch. "Stop pestering my wife and baby. If you make her miscarry I'll have your pretty blonde head on a pretty silver platter."

"Honey, you're home!" Win cried, waddling to embrace her husband. "And stop worrying over me. I was just about to whack him on the head with this," she said as she brandished a broom in front of her, ferocity alive in her big blue eyes.

"I always worry. Now go sit down before you hurt yourself," answered Ed, gently urging his wife over to the recently vacated couch.

"Ow," Al piped up from on the floor as he rubbed his sore head.

"Good to see that your lazy ass is up," his brother replied, easing Winry onto the seat even as she swatted at his hands.

"I can do it, I can do it," she said defiantly.

"That's too damn bad, because until little Edward is born, I'm your personal caretaker and you are allowed to do nothing without my help," Ed said, grinning.

Winry sighed. "I told you that if it's a boy he'll be named Edward, but if it's a girl, which I hope it will because we need more females in this testosterone-filled house, she will be named Pinako, after my Grandmother."

Ed sat next to his wife and took her hand in his. "Ew," Al said, slowly standing up and making a show of brushing himself off.

"Shut up," Ed snapped, turning his head to glare at his brother. "And get out of my house."

"Nope," Al replied, grinning. "Not until my little niece or nephew is born. I need to watch over it."

Winry smiled at him, and just as she opened her mouth to say something, her body jerked. A scream tore from her lips. Ed panicked but could only watch helplessly as his wife yelled.

She lay back on the couch, breathing heavily and with sweat glistening on her forehead, and said two simple words, "The baby."

Ed understood right away; he threw the car keys at Al-who went to the garage- and helped his wife up.

"Come on, Win. Let's get to the hospital," he said softly, ushering her to the door that led to the garage.

After helping her into the passenger seat, Ed climbed into the driver's seat and took off speeding, not taking any chances that Win would have their first child in the front seat of their car.

Winry panted between contractions and sucked in her breath when they hit.

"Almost there," Ed murmured as eh turned the corner into the hospital. He pulled into the emergency entrance and put the engine in idle.

"Al; park, then come in," he said over his shoulder, glancing briefly at his brother, who nodded and got out of the vehicle to go up front.

Ed helped Winry walk into the lobby, where a nurse put her in a wheelchair and led them to a room in the Maternity Ward.

A doctor hustled in not long after, asking the couple questions and doing the routine check-in work on Winry.

"Natural," Ed answered when the doctor asked how Winry wanted to have the child.

He nodded, then exited the room after almost being knocked over by a frantic Al.

His wide eyes searched the room, finally coming to rest on his big brother's form next to a hospital bed.

"So," he said, "are you a father yet?"

Ed chuckled. "Not yet."

Winry grasped her husband's hand, squeezing hard every time she felt pain.

Another scream fell from her lips and her back arched. "The…doctor….quickly, Ed," she gasped between breaths.

Al ran into the hall screaming "Help! Help! Winry's having her baby!"

The doctor ran I and immediately starting barking orders at his nurses.

Two hours fo intense pain, screeching, squeezing, and Al fainting, the baby was born.

The doctor quickly took it back to wash it off, not yet telling the parents its sex.

Ed gently dabbed Winry's sweat soaked faced, gazing deeply into her eyes as he did.

"You did it!" Al said from his chair in the back corner; he was exiled there after fainting.

"Yes, you did," Ed said quietly. Winry smiled, her hair matted to her face and lips pale.

"Congratulations!" the doctor exclaimed as he reentered the room.

"What is it?" Ed asked eagerly.

"Not _it_, _them_!" the man exclaimed. "You were too focused on Winry to notice, and Winry was in so much pain that neither of you noticed that she gave birth to twins!"

The couple stared at each other in shock while on the other side of the room Al fainted yet again.

A squeal escaped Ed's lips; he jumped and fist-pumped in excitement. Winry smiled at Ed's reaction; they both were overjoyed to have two children, without meaning to, and to not have to get pregnant again. They may try again, but having to only go through the hassles of pregnancy twice to have a family.

"Twins," breathed the happy mother.

"Their names?" the doctor asked. Just then, two nurses walked in carrying pink and blue bundles.

Each parent was handed a baby of the opposite sex. Both babies were blonde-tufted haired and blue eyes. The girl liked like Win and boy was like Ed.

Ed looked at his wife and they both nodded in agreement. "Your parents," whispered Edward.

"Their names are Urey and Sara, after Winry's parents," Ed answered the doctor.

"Love them," the doctor replied as he smiled.

Al woke up and looked dazedly at the two and asked, "What the hell happened?"


End file.
